


touch-tone telephone

by morningsviolet



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, is that too much to ask jonny, jon being jon, martin yearning, og archives staff being happy, sasha being the incredible human being she is, tim being bi icon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24545293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningsviolet/pseuds/morningsviolet
Summary: Local menace, Tim Stoker, terrorizes his coworkers in the form of group chats. In which Tim is chaotic, Sasha is unforgettable, Martin yearns, and Jon is the season 1 Archivist we all know and love.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 14
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

**Bi-con**

_ yo _

_ who wants 2 go canunig _

_ canoing _

**Sasharchivist**

_ Take your time Tim _

**Bi-con**

_ canoeing _

_ u know  _

_ boats _

**Sasharchivist**

_ When? _

**Bi-con**

_ Now _

**Sasharchivist**

_ It's 10 am on a Thursday and you are hungover at your desk. _

**Bi-con**

_ no time like the present  _

_ marin _

_ matrin _

_ marting _

_ martin _

_ where r u  _

**Martin Kayak Blackwood**

_ What is it, Tim?  _

_ I’m out doing field research today for Jon.  _

**Bi-con** **_changed_ ** **Martin K. Blackwood’** **_s nickname to_ ** **Martin Kayak Blackwood**

**Bi-con**

_ if ican get jarchivist u go canoeing w us?  _

**Sasharchivist**

_ Why are you like this Tim? _

**Bi-con**

_ is that a no? _

**Sasharchivist**

_ No canoeing. Get back to work.  _

**Bi-con**

_ ur no fun sash _

_ one day u 2 r going to regret  _

_ not going canoeing w me _

_ ur gonna be like  _

_ oh tim we miss u so much  _

_ but i wont have time for that anymore _

**Sasharchivist**

_ Sounds like a real tragedy Tim. _

**Bi-con**

_ fine  _

_ but we’re going for drinks on friday _

**Martin Kayak Blackwood**

_ I don’t know if I will be able to.  _

**Bi-con**

_ nonsense. _

_ what else r u going to be doing _

_ pls martin _

_ martinnnn  _

_ we’re nothing w out u  _

_ martin _

_ martin _

_ martin _

**Sasharchivist**

_ Just say yes, Martin. It's easier that way _

**Bi-con**

_ martin _

_ martinnnnnnnnnnnn _

**Martin Kayak Blackwood**

_ Okay, Tim.  _

**Bi-con**

_ glad that u finally saw reason _

_ and ys marin ill invite jonny _

_ dont worry u can make ur move _

**Martin Kayak Blackwood**

_ That’s not what this is.  _

_ Tim? _

  
  


**Bi-con** created group  **Friday nights are for the boys** and added  **Martin K. Blackwood** ,  **Sasha James** , and  **Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** . 

**Bi-con** changed  **Martin K. Blackwood** ’s nickname to  **Martin King Blackwood** .

**Bi-con** changed **Sasha James** ’s nickname to  **Sashanarchy** .

**Bi-con** changed  **Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** ’s nickname to  **Boss Man.**

**Bi-con**

_ drinks friday night _

_ attendance mandatory _

**Boss Man**

_ Tim, what is this? Why is my name ‘Boss Man’? _

**Bi-con**

_ its an office group chat boss  _

_ about time i can bother u all in one place _

**Sashanarchy**

_ It's not like we’re all in the same building or anything _

**Bi-con**

_ exactly sash _

_ ur going w us for drinks frid ay  _

_ no excuses _

_ ur part of the Boys now jon _

**Sashanarchy**

_ Welcome Jon. It's an honor.  _

**Bi-con**

_ and before u say no boss man _

_ martin checked ur calendar _

_ ur free no if ands or butts _

**Martin King Blackwood**

_ I’m sorry, Jon. You just seem like you could use some time out of the office. _

**Sashanarchy**

_ Martin and I are fun, at least.  _

**Boss Man**

_ I will consider it, but shouldn’t you be working?  _

**Bi-con**

_ always am boss  _

_ but ur joining friday _

**Boss Man**

_ I suppose.  _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday nights are for the boys, including Jonmartin Defense Squad and other shenanigans

**1:03 PM**

**Timberland Stoker** created group  **Unionize The Magnus Institute**

**Timberland Stoker** added  **Martin K. Blackwood** and  **Sasha**

**Timberland Stoker** changed  **Martin K. Blackwood** ’s nickname to  **Martin Kegstand Blackwood** .

**Martin Kegstand Blackwood**

_ Why are we unionizing? Should I be worried? _

**Timberland Stoker**

_ why not martin  _

_ its a toxic work environment _

_ elais told me to change today _

**Sasha**

_ You were wearing jorts? _

_ And a hawaiian shirt? _

_ It's february Tim. _

_ I’m sorry, Martin, I’m going to take his naming privileges away _

**Timberland Stoker** changed  **Sasha** ’s nickname to  **Don’t You Fucking Dare**

**Timberland Stoker**

_ and my ass looked great, next question _

_ boss man should have known better thant to give me casual frieday _

_ anyway _

_ operation jon’s wild side is now in effect _

_ tongith we see the archivist unhinged _

_ tonight is the night my coworkers my frisends that we see what jon is dcapavble of _

**Don’t You Fucking Dare**

_ At least, let's get the poor man to relax. Maybe smile?  _

_ I’ve barely seen him leave his office. Except to make his horrible tea. If you can call it that.  _

**Don’t You Fucking Dare** changed her nickname to  **Sasha J.**

**Martin Kegstand Blackwood**

_ He shouldn’t be allowed near a kettle. It's almost sad. And instant coffee? Really? _

_ But he does have a nice smile.  _

**Sasha J.**

_ It's a tragedy. Really.  _

**Timberland Stoker**

_ uve seen the smile ???? martin is our boy smiling at u ??? _

**Martin Kegstand Blackwood**

_ I brought him tea yesterday. A proper cup.  _

**Timberland Stoker**

_ oh martin u have it bad don’t u  _

_ good thing tonight we figure out who the boss man is outside of work _

_ u in? _

**Martin Kegstand Blackwood**

_ Are we sure this is a good idea?  _

**Timberland Stoker**

_ Martin  _

_ sweet sweet martin do u or do u not want to see jon _

_ sasha and i can leave u 2 alone for a whiel so u can get 2 know him _

**Martin Kegstand Blackwood**

_ No, Tim.  _

_ He doesn’t like me.  _

**Timberland Stoker**

_ lies  _

_ besides tonight is the night of fun jonny _

_ be there at 8pm  _

  
  


**3:32 PM**

**Jonmartin Defense Squad**

**London’s next top model**

_ Sash we need to talk about this.  _

**Unforgettable James**

_ A capital letter AND a period? Must be serious, what’s up? _

**London’s next top model**

_ 20 bucks martin confesses his undying love to jon tonight  _

**Unforgettable James**

_ 20 bucks it's Jon _

**London’s next top model**

_ oh hell ya ur on sash _

_ martin that poor boy has it bad _

_ ican’t believe he’s gay for that  _

_ i mean jon isn’t that bad looking. especially when dresses a little less like a librarian and more like a human _

_ but still  _

**Unforgettable James**

_ Tim i think ur bi for that  _

**London’s next top model**

_ h _

_ listen _

_ no commetn _

_ sahs rn it is jonmartin defense hours _

_ did u not read our chat name?? i worked so hard on it  _

**Unforgettable James**

_ We need to find another name for that. Jonmartin is too on the nose.  _

**London’s next top model**

_ ur right _

_ marton  _

_ idk sasha help _

**Unforgettable James**

_ We’ll figure something out.  _

  
  


**8:26 PM**

**Unionize the Magnus Institute**

**Timberland Stoker**

_ why is hepopular???is out boss cool?? _

_ people know him? hes interaction? _

_ sahs? _

_ what the fuck? _

**Sasha J.**

_ Calm down tim, i’m sitting right next to you.  _

**Timberland Stoker**

_ like the other two are going to noicte us texting?  _

_ matrins phone is buzzing he isnt event blinking  _

_ sasha im goig to jump into the sun  _

_ how is jon cool?? he;s talking about fermentation now like a fucking encylogedia  _

**Sasha J.**

_ Calm down. You know what this means? Jon has a secret identity. It's up to us to figure this out.  _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan Sims is one of the Boys and Martin Support Group convenes for its first meeting

**12:51 PM**

**Friday nights are for the boys**

**Sashanarchy**

_How does it feel to be part of the boys now, Jon?_

**Bi-con**

_sahs whya r u doigb up_

_sahsa_

_ashsa_

_fuck_

**Sashanarchy**

_I’ve been up for hours Tim. I went for a run._

**Bi-con**

_ur not even humansahsa_

_if ur an alien u legally have to tell us otherwise its entrapment_

**Bi-con** changed **Sashanarchy** ’s nickname to **Sasha?**

**Boss Man**

_Thank you for inviting me last night. I enjoyed it._

_How do I change my nickname?_

**Martin King Blackwood**

_We’re glad you were able to join us._

**Bi-con**

_just uwait til next week_

_nicce try no changing that bossman_

_ncie of u 2 join the caht amrtin_

**Boss Man**

_Next week?_

_What’s happening next week, Tim? Should I be worried?_

**Bi-con**

_like sahsa said ur one of the boys friday nights are for the boys thus drinks fridaynights ur welcome_

**Sasha?**

_What Tim means to say is that if u want Jon, we go out for drinks Friday nights as a group, or occasionally brunch sunday mornings. You are always welcome to join._

**Boss Man**

_Oh, well, thank you all very much._

**Bi-con**

_now both of u shut up ur talking n compelte senteces w grammar and shit is giving me a heachae_

  
  


**3:07 PM**

**Founder and CEO of MSG** created group **Mahtin Support Group.**

 **Founder and CEO of MSG** added **Sasha James** and **Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist.**

 **Founder and CEO of MSG** changed **Sasha James** ’s nickname to **President James.**

 **Founder and CEO of MSG** changed **Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** ’s nickname to **Club Member Sims.**

**Founder and CEO of MSG**

_as im sure u remember martin’s birthday is this week_

_now i would say surprise party at work_

**President James**

_But it's Martin so we’re going to take him out for ice cream bc we love him_

**Founder and CEO of MSG**

_some more than others_

_tuesday?_

_after work?_

**President James**

_He likes the shop on the corner from the institute._

**Founder and CEO of MSG**

_perfect_

_ur awfully quiet jon_

_everyone loved u at the pub lastnight jon_

_u go there often?_

**Club Member Sims**

_I used to go there often when I was younger. I was a regular._

**Founder and CEO of MSG**

_does the bossman have a wild side?_

**Club Member Sims**

_Those were my college years, Tim. Anyway, Tuesday after work would work for me. Are you going to let Martin know?_

**Founder and CEO of MSG**

_a dark and mysterious past_

_alright then boss keep your secrets_

_can u text him jon i cant find my phone_

**Club Member Sims**

_Yes._

_Wait._

_Tim._

**Founder and CEO of MSG**

_love u too boss see u monday_

**4:05 PM**

**Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** created group **The Magnus Institute Chat.**

 **Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** added **Martin K. Blackwood**.

**Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist**

_Hello, Martin. Are you free Tuesday after work?_

**Martin K. Blackwood**

_Yes, is everything alright?_

**Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist**

_Wonderful, Tim, Sasha, and I would like to celebrate your birthday with you._

**Martin K. Blackwood**

_Celebrate my birthday?_

**Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist**

_Of course, it is your birthday, right?_

**Martin K. Blackwood**

_Yes, it is._

_Sorry, yes I’m free then._

**Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** is typing….

 **Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist** left the chat.

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be an incredibly informal fic as the means to combat my anxiety, but I hope y'all enjoy!  
> you can find me at https://morningsviolet.tumblr.com/


End file.
